June 12, 2009.. The last post i made..

March 22, 2012.. Three years had passed.. how has it been..? so much had changed.. the mentality, the situation, the reality..

The 'her' whom i yearn for at that very point of June 12, 2009 had lived through her life, while i had lived through mine.. so much had happened..

-i had my own 'her', she cheated on me and left me..
-she returned after being ditched and i rejected her at first before accepting her again later..
-i couldn't find that trust anymore and she left me again..
-my dad being unable to work anymore..
-she's attached to some1 better now..

from a student, to an NSF to the lead of the house.. it all just happened way too fast for me.. i couldn't react fast enough, i cant react well enough.. i'm very sorry for mistreating her.. i din mean all that.. the objection was too strong, even i myself cant convince myself to trust you again.. i love you.. i nvr lie abt that.. i really do.. but i know i juz cant forget that moment.. at 2.45am under your house, that image had nvr left my mind.. i cant forget that.. i'm sorry, mayb i shldn't had been so selfish.. i'm glad you found someone so much better than me now.. some1 who can treat you the way u shld be treated..

from an obese student of 119.7kg, i underwent my Obese BMT just as any soldier.. during which i lost weight till 89.7kg when i POP-ed.. but i lost more than just weight.. my family lost the ability to sustain.. i do not know sometimes how do i even supposed to react.. i, all of a sudden, is now the lead of the house.. i do not know if i'm able to tide my family over this crisis.. all i know is that, i cant fail.. i can only do anything within my means to succeed..

so much had happened.. in these 3yrs.. so much... i gained so much friends along the way as well.. but i know, one thing i will look back and regret is that i done wrong to a person i once vowed to treat her well..

6:55 PM

Friday, June 12, 2009

yo ppl.. hmm.. kinda a emo post here though.. lol..

i regard 2dae as one of the worst days that i ever had.. i had all along hate it when ppl wearing mask and pretending all that.. bud i 2dae had done juz that.. i guess its the right thing to do though..

it kinda pains me.. to see them kinda close 2gther.. although i understand that its neither of their fault though.. bud i juz cant really accept it now and got alittle emo towards the end.. i juz try my best to put on a smile here and there and list being tired as a reason for my sudden silence.. although i noe deep in me.. that being tired as nvr the reason.. sorry to them.. i did my best to control.. when i'm alone , i really cant help bud b sad.. i try to joke arnd , to brg up the mood arnd and also mine.. bud i guess when alone , in the nite , on my bed , i hav to accept it.. that emotions is overflowing.. i know i'm being very stupid , selfish , too emotional and such.. bud i guess i done my best..

i dun blame them.. cos i noe , its nt their fault.. its nvr their fault.. i guess destiny juz doesnt really favours me now.. i hav to admit that understanding is one thing , to accept gracefully is another.. i have done the 1st , the 2nd i'm still doing my best.. hopefully i will recover fast.. hopefully..

FanG

11:27 PM

Friday, June 05, 2009

right.. back to update alittle..

past few days was pretty normal.. had lab test on wed.. ntk much la.. then quiz on thurs.. all was able to struggle through thxs to master beside me..

had tennis 2day.. hmm.. friday was the only day i will get to see her in a week.. was v happy.. played alittle here and there.. was v happy to have her beside there.. hmm.. i had a rival.. who happens to be in the sme session with me likes her as well.. wasnt able to concentrate ltr on when he arrived.. i noe i shldnt react like tt.. bud i really cant control.. i was like once in a while glancing at them.. i guess my easily-aroused jealousy does go on to kill me sometimes.. i promise i will change.. bud frm this , i can sae tt at least i know... tt i'm serious.. i hope she doesnt get to read this part..

was having really blank mind since i come back frm tennis.. i dunno wat i'm doing and y m i doing those stuff i did.. really like damn blur stage.. dunno wats happening.. probably tml my senses will return.. hopefully God does let things go my way for once..

FanG

10:13 PM

Saturday, May 30, 2009

hmm.. a long long time b4 i updated ar.. haha.. alrite.. shall update alittle abt my current life..

juz returned frm a new cca that i joined.. its the ISC's (International Student's Club) welcoming party.. haha.. made some frens and overall enjoyed myself.. i had joined quite a number of new cca in fact.. some of them are Ambassadorial Team , Student's Union , International Student's Club and might still join the NYAA Club.. haha..

had been to the Student's Union camp for freshies.. although i din join as freshies.. haha.. i was drafted for logistics duties.. ppl who know me since sec sch shld noe that logistics are a part of my NPCC life.. haha.. so alright.. i guess we did a reasonable job at the camp.. enjoyed though.. made frens there as well.. haha..

Tennis had some new frens joined in.. Cheryl and soon huat had joined us.. hopefully they will stay for long ba.. haha.. hmm.. session had changed frm saturday to friday though..

and erm.. i can say that i had some1 in mind at the moment.. wun really say is who though.. bud i can sae is tt its still very early days for me and her if we really do end up 2gther.. i guess i had to be rational and not rush things now.. as i only hav a chance to see her juz once a week.. and i had like juz seen her thrice.. bud i'm serious really.. so ya.. ppl.. wish me all the best i guess..

i promise i will try to update as often as i can though.. haha..

FanG

you seems so so desperate for a partner that it frightens me.. i guess i had to thank u for departing.. for me to identify some1 so so much better than u to mayb fill the void u left in me when i needed u the most..

11:58 PM

Friday, March 27, 2009

yo ppl.. back to update le.. hmm.. 2dae was very plain.. went to market in the morning with mum.. returned home , played alittle PES09 and watch tv liao.. then now update..

hmm.. i'm troubled recently. kinda emo also.. probably no1 really notice as i din reali went out wif ani1 tis few days and also its the holidays.. i dun really show much in msn as well.. bud yeah.. i'm troubled..

wat hav really make me like tis is.. how do ppl arnd me view me ? as a fren ? as a good fren ? or as some1 who they will find only when they need me , and when they dun nid me , they wun even bother talking to me..? juz how ? how do they view me ? wat category do i fits in ?

i hav recently seen some real double standards when it comes to me ? probably an example.. lets giv name tis person A , so the story goes..: A wun talk to me on the phone , giving me wat ever excuses.. i tot is tt she's shy and doesnt talk a guy she likes on the phone [at tt time , we are 2gther , no longer now though..].. and i get a shock when she said , she chatted with a guy [the guy she now likes ] on the phone.. and they were nt even 2gther.. so wtf was i when A and me was 2gther ? she is willing to talk to perharps all others but not to me ? and probably to my shame , i din even went on a date with her.. dun bother asking me who it is.. i wun name her..

so why the double standards when it comes to me ? do i warrant such unfair treatment ? do i really needs to be treated differently frm others ? do i really represent such a negative image to others ? wat hav i done to deserve this.. i really fewl v terrible.. to noe tt i'm nt treated similarly.. does appearance really matters so so much..? does being fat and ugly meant tt u dun deserve a date ? is it really such a shame to go out with me ? i reali wonder how others look at me.. reali reali wonder..

FanG

PS: the only word reminds me now to describe u is Disappointment.

6:26 PM

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

wah.. hehe.. v long din update le hor.. =x.. ok.. here to clear the webs liao..

now for me is holiday.. so is rather sian la.. cos ntk much doing at home lo.. hehe.. play game here and there lo..

2dae chee kang come my house.. he came to get DMC4.. lols.. v long din see him liao.. he stayed awhile at my place and we played games.. patched my WC3 to version 1.23a.. wth.. patch liao more worse.. some maps cannot b seen inside the game.. v jia lat.. hope blizzard fast solve it... lol.. played dota wif online ppl.. wah.. cannot la.. my skill ar.. cmi ar.. =x then after dota played cs.. cs still nt bad.. =x..

spend most of my time playing PES09 and the new Garena game call blackshot.. hoots.. v nice.. like a combination of CoD and CS.. lols.. deathmatch style somemore.. nice.. must go try ar.. hehe..

ok la.. ntk much reali to write.. will write when i hav more.. hehe.. bye.. =x..

FanG

10:41 PM

Monday, March 09, 2009

yoyo.. back to update.. hehe.. mai v super long ar.. ok..

2dae was like super plain la.. was at home the whole day.. hehe.. play FM.. my Arsenal in tt game invincible liao.. swept all trophy ar.. bud poor squad harmony.. cos every player wan play.. then cannot play jiu nt happy.. sian..

hmm.. for the period b4 i blog , was quite ok la.. caught two movies.. Pink panther 2 and Marley and me.. pink panther was like real funny la.. much funnier than the 1st.. Cried alittle [u watch liao dun cry ar , is either u is sleeping , or u are dreaming , or u are stone-hearted ?? =x] when watch Marley and me.. reminds me of my dog.. =X

i personally chose nt to sign a new phone... my dad's contract able for renewal and i was able to get a new phone.. my final two choices ends at Samsung OMNIA or Samsung Pixon.. however , i chose not to la.. cos kinda waste $ cos i'm definitely gonna get SE's Iduo next yr.. so din really wanna spend now.. =X and my phone haven gave me much problem yet.. so i chose not to sign a new phone la..

IT fair gonna start tis thursday.. lols.. tis yr's top of my shopping list is an external HDD.. lols.. and the rest will be a 'buy if price is on offer' type.. so i guess i will check it out tis time round as i miss all 3 last yr.. T.T and all due to exams..~!~!~! finally tis time round is my holidays.. =X leg damn itchy le..

was tinking tt i shld get archery as a cca as well.. had archery experience when i'm in sec1.. and after tt left liao.. so was wondering if i shld join in poly now.. =X if joining , will rope some friends in la.. nabo v sian leh.. 1 person there.. lols.. ok la.. stop here for 2dae la.. ntk much to note le.. =X goodnite..

*for my music player tt i juz add in ar.. all songs is playable.. juz tt if the song isnt load finish and the song had reach the part , the player will juz defaultly jump to the next song.. so i tink u guys might wanna navigate using the menu and click the song , bud pause it for it to load b4 u play it ba.. like tt will play le.. and also , u nid to scroll down to activate the player , if not it wun start playing.. so enjoy it ba.. haha.. =)

FanG

9:25 PM

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

woots.. back to update.. time clear the webs.. spiderman must hav been here.. lols..

hmm.. i had been studying and gaming during this period of time la.. haha.. shall update alittle.. i had 3 papers to sit for during the period.. maths , EPC and AE/DE.. frankly , my maths was horrid.. EPC was cheated by past yr papers T.T , AE/DE i shld slap myself.. made quite a few mistakes.. so if i can pass all my module tis term , i'm v contented le.. nt greedy for good grades le.. dun fail can liao.. lols..

got deadspace and LOTR frm fren ytd.. thxs buddy.. hehe.. and i also finally found a way to solve my tt FM09 le. can play liao.. finally solved.. lols.. went through my C-Drive and found old data and deleted it.. lols.. and solve it.. thxs shen also tt help me dl to test.. hehe..

hmm.. been to sch 2dae to play tennis , lols.. met fish and wilson at sch at 2pm.. jia ni arrive arnd 2.30++.. played tennis , as usual i did a few 'spectacular shots' by sending the ball out of the court.. LOL.. my skill are horrid.. jerry and his group arrive arnd 2.45.. heavy rain started at 3.45 like tt.. sian.. so packed up and left liao.. lunch/dinner at south canteen.. lols.. and met up wif shen tak thumb and check back home le.. LOL...

hmm.. had a back strain for arnd a week.. weird 1 as well.. lols.. only happens whenever i stand up after i sit.. i dunno how it happen and how to mak it better.. lols.. mayb stiff back ba.. lols.. hope ntk to big la.. haha.. ok la.. shall stop here ba.. hehe.. sorry ppl din update so long.. hehe..


FanG

11:00 PM

Lim Fang Zhen Benjamin
22+
Officially Single
National Service
RSAF

College History:
Nanyang Polytechnic 2008-2011
ITE College West (Dover) 2006-2008
Teck Whye Secondary School 2002-2005
Teck Whye Primary School 1996-2001

I carry the proud name of
Lim Fang Zhen
nicknames such as 'The1Style' and 'FanG'.
A Father from a church named me Benjamin for my english name but i hasnt been really using it..
I officially increase an addition year to my age on every 16 of October.
I hate loneliness and therefore yearn for company from my great friends and family members around me.
Football have gradually grown to be a part of my life and have got me attracted to the Pride of London Football proven by statistics
Arsenal F.C.


-Never be too choosy on someone as others might be doing the same to you as well.

-Looks Depreciate over time , Values and Personality improves and stay with you over time. So don't be too particular over looks.

-Nobody is perfect , so Live and Let Live.

-Never condemn a relationship as success/failure in relationship is never determine by what others say and your previous relationship history.

-Never point fault when any problem happen , always source for solutions to solve it first.

-Its the differences between us that attract and accept each other. In Love, its not a journey of finding that perfect someone, its a search for finding someone who will loves and accept us for what we are, vice versa.

Thats all for now





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